Tuesday, June 19, 2012

When Sausages Attack?

An associated press story was repeated in the Portland Press Herald yesterday and the headline reads:

Mass. cyclist attacked by man swinging sausages


That is pretty ridiculous right there and one might just leave that alone since the intrinsic comedic value does not need further development. Still, I am compelled to take issue with this piece of reportage. First, the story kind of buries the lead since the assailant attacked "with sausage links and a wrench before making off with jewelry and the bike." I am gonna guess that the real weapon was the wrench; while less hilarious than sausages, it's probably a more effective tool of compulsion. 


Also, I must question the victim's characterization as a, "cyclist." The article says that the defendant was charged with "receiving stolen property under $250 in connection with the attack" and while it is not clear if that value represents the bike plus the jewelry, it suggests that the victim was not one identified largely by a passion for bicycle riding.